40-B4-40: The Haircut

Well summer is quickly slipping by, and I have not kept up my end of the deal on the 40-B4-40 posts. And yes, I realized that in one short month, I will cross that line into the next decade, so in honor of such a moment (and to take my mind off that fact), here is another installment of 40-B4-40:
At the beginning of the summer, I got my hair cut. Not just a trim, but a hair cut…like 3-4 inches cut off! What started out as “let’s take it to the top of my shoulders,” ended with me leaving the salon in a slight state of panic.

I have very thick, curly hair, so I did plan to cut it shorter for the summer, just not quite as short as it ended up. It didn’t look bad; however, the shock of it all took me back several years to the last schockingly-short haircut experience I had. If you’ve had one, you know that dreadful feeling that sticks with you for life.

In my first experience (in my late 20s), I was standing in front of the mirror simply staring at the horror that used to be my hair when my roommate walked in, immediately donned a horrified look, and sincerely asked, “What happened?!” (Not a comforting thing to hear when you’re already in a fragile state of mind.) I knew it was “just hair” and yes, it did grow back. But if you’ve ever had a “sketchy” hair cut, you know the panic…the overwhelming, dreadful feeling of I’m going to look like this until it does grow back, and there’s nothing I can do about it!

I felt that same feeling of dread overtake me as I smiled weakly at the stylist, gathered my children and headed out the door. Like I said, it didn’t look bad, but I was swimming in my own thoughts, unable to see myself (or my hair) objectively. Do I like it this short? Is it really cute? Or just weird? Can I pull off hair this short? Or do I just look like a giant Q-Tip (remember…thick, curly hair!)
I decided to consult a trust friend (who had been the roommate in the previous scenario, so I knew she would be brutally honest!) She assured me it was, indeed, ”a cute and fun summer cut” and that it was just the shock that I needed to get over. By that evening, I was excited about it and looking forward to showing off my new summer ’do.

(The picture I texted my friend...can you tell from my
worried smile I was trying to be OK with it? )

While we were out that evening we saw some friends, and would you believe…NO ONE SAID ANYTHING ABOUT MY HAIR?!?!? I mean, honestly, how could they not have noticed?! It was soooo short!!

I started thinking…what if it’s so bad they don’t know what to say?! (I now realize how ridiculous that thought is, but when you’re in the middle of a style panic, you have these irrational thoughts.)

Later, I ran into a good friend who I realized had been crying. She smiled at me weakly and said, "I like your hair." Well, score one for my hair cut, I guess. But I couldn't fully enjoy the victory of my style makeover, because I knew why my friend had been crying, and it had nothing to do with haircuts or style.

I knew she and her family were in the midst of a terrible trial...one I wouldn't wish on anyone. I didn't know the details of her tears that evening, but I knew they were related to what she was going through. Only then, did I stop to consider other friends I had seen or spoken to recently: one was still looking for a job, one had lost a 9-month-old to a rare illness, one had been trying to sell a home for almost a year, one was facing surgery in just a few weeks, one whose sister is battling brain cancer, one was in the middle of an unthinkable legal battle with family members, and the list went on.

I had been so consumed with my silly little hair-do, that I hadn’t truly stopped to think about the needs of those around me. Before you think me completely heartless, I have spent many hours talking with, listening to, and praying for these same friends and their situations. But today it had been all about me. My hair and my situation had literally consumed my thoughts and energy.

It reminded me of how my children can sometimes be so completely consumed with their own problems they become oblivious to anything going on around them. How many times have I been doing something (making dinner, doing laundry, etc.) only to have them come to me with a fresh list of demands, “Mom, I need you to…” “Where is my…” “Can you…” “He won’t let me…”

We tolerate, even expect, such selfishness from children, because self-absorption is a sign of immaturity. Children have to be taught to become aware of and compassionate toward those around them. It’s not often a trait they find on their own (although we’re so thankful when they do!).

I’m sorry to say it’s a sign of immaturity in myself as well. When will I learn it’s not really about me anyway? God is teaching me (through His Word and through others) to look beyond myself, my needs, my daily “emergencies,” and focus on the needs of others. When I can do that, He can use me to demonstrate His love to those who are hurting.

This thing called life is about more than my wants, my insecurities, and my to-do list. I won’t truly realize the joy in finding His grace until I learn to look outside myself and truly see those around me. What are their needs? What can I do for them?

That’s what makes this thing called life worth it. That’s what His grace in action looks like.
Maybe one of these days I’ll finally get over myself (and my hair) and remember that!