A Rough Start

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This morning when I dropped my Little Man off at preschool a rare thing happened. Instead of his usual good-bye kiss and smile, he clung to me and wailed, "I don't want to go, Mommy! I don't want to go!"

I resisted every urge to hold him tightly and cry, "You don't have to! You don't have to!" If he had been my first child or this was his first day of preschool, chances are that's what would have gone down. But he has come to school many, many times before, always with a smile on his face, and he comes home later in the day excited about the things he has learned, the songs he's sung, and the friends he has played with. He has been coming to this, our church preschool, since he was two. I know the staff and the teachers...and so does he. He sees them at church every week. They are our friends, and  he loves them as much as I do.

So I called upon every Mommy superpower I could muster, kissed his head, hugged him tightly, assured him I'd be back at the end of the day and handed him off to his teacher. As I climbed back in the driver's seat, I watched him reaching for me screaming, "No, Mommy! Don't go!" Summoning the rest of my Supermommy powers, I drove away...around the corner, out of sight...and cried.

I'm not one of those parents who throws her kid into the pool to teach him to swim. My philosophy is, "let's dip our toe in first and see if we like it." If they like it, we'll ease into it. If not, we'll give it some time and try later. I'm not saying mine is the best way...it's just what works for us. So, to drive away from my screaming child went against every fiber of my being.

But the logical, mature side of me knew that I wouldn't be doing him any favors by going back for him...even if that logical part was being completely drowned out by the emotional Mommy side of me at the moment! He is in a loving environment with people who care deeply about him. He is there five hours a week because we believe it reinforces the values and truths we are teaching him at home while preparing him for full-time education. I had to be strong and look at the bigger picture.

That's when I realized how many times I had felt just like my Little Man. In the middle of whatever I was facing, I looked at God and screamed, "What are you doing?! How could you just leave me here?! I don't want to be here! Don't leave me!"

The truth is, He doesn't leave us. Ever. He has promised not to. Even when we feel alone. Even when we feel abandoned. He is right there...holding us, weeping with us, loving us through every moment. All the while, seeing the bigger picture. Seeing the other side. Knowing how we will come through it stronger, more mature, and more dependent on Him.

Even though I physically left my Little Man today, you better believe I called and texted his teachers until I was convinced he had calmed down and returned to his happy, easy-going self (which he did within 30 minutes). You see, for a mom "out of sight, out of mind" is a foreign concept when it comes to her children. If I...an imperfect, human parent...am that consumed with my child--his safety, his well-being, his happiness--how much more our perfect Heavenly Father!

 The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed,
a stronghold in times of trouble. 

Those who know your name trust in you,
for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.

Psalm 9:9,10

 

What are you going through today that makes you feel alone? God has not forgotten you. He has not abandoned you. He is with you. Hold tightly to Him.

40-B4-40: Letting Go

Dedicated to my fellow first-born, over-achieving, Type-A peeps.

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Ten years ago I would have been hesitant to admit I'm a Type-A person. (We're always the last to find out, right?) In most of my adult life (and childhood for that matter), I was fairly easy-going. I was often happy to go along with whatever restaurant or activity my friends chose, content to just hang out with them. I really had little need to "be in charge."

So it was with great disappointment that I finally admitted to my husband and friends (who already knew) that yes, I am a control freak. You see, it's not really that I have to control everything. If I'm participating in or helping with someone else's "thing," I have no problem going along with it. If you're in charge, we can do it your way.

However, it was in the things that I did have control over that my inner control freak began to rear her ugly head. My house--since I'm here most of the time, it shouldn't be too difficult to keep it relatively spotless at all times. And meals...how hard is it to have tasty, nutritious meals on the table for my family every evening. Children...it's not too much to ask that they be well-dressed, well-fed, well-behaved, and content most of the time. I'm not unreasonable. I realize they are children and will have their moments, but I'd say hitting the mark 90% of the time isn't too much to ask (for my children anyway.) Yeah, right!

As for my personal life....well, there's no reason I shouldn't be able to workout daily, have a quality devotional time, and find time to write on a regular basis, right? I mean, it's really just a matter of scheduling and prioritizing. I just need to make the right lists (I do love my lists!) and find the most efficient way of doing them. It's totally doable. And since it's doable, I should be able to do it. Sound about right?

Fortunately, God has a sense of humor and paired me up with someone who could make me step back, take a breath, and realize that if we have cereal for dinner and the kids are running around like monkeys, it's OK. That's just where our lives are right now. Sure it would be nice to have a quiet, peaceful, spotless home in which to unwind each evening. But the sight of toys strewn across the floor and the sound of giggles and pounding feet as our children chase one another through the obstacle course that is our home remind me that my to-do list isn't the most demanding issue right now. So my first step on my journey to mature, well-adjusted, middle-agehood is to LET IT GO. (Aren't you proud of me for not making a list of things to let go of? :))

Over the holidays, I hosted family gatherings while my kitchen floor remained un-mopped (horror of all horrors!) We ate some late dinners (and consequently had late bedtimes) so that I could spend time enjoying my family instead of rushing through our evening. The kids' teachers received cookies "creatively" decorated with love instead of magazine-photo-perfect gingerbread men. This week, I sat and drank coffee with a friend while our boys played in our basement which looked like an episode of Toys R Us Gone Wild. (It's a wonder we didn't lose of them down there.)

But guess what? No one mocked my sticky kitchen floor, the teachers loved their cookies, and my friend and I had a wonderful chat while the boys relished in the toy rubble. Maybe, just maybe, if I can push past my initial, hand-wringing moment of worry when the door opens to my less-than-immaculate home and can focus on the person and the moment at hand, everyone will have a better time...mostly me.

Now, if you'll excuse me we are having guests this weekend and I need to go scrub my bathrooms. (Baby steps, right?)

40 B4 40

Happy 2012, everyone!

As you may have noticed, I took a small break through the New Year. I intentionally spent time enjoying family, having fun, and relishing every moment with my kids while they were out of school.

I also spent some time planning, dreaming, thinking, and praying about 2012...including my blog. More on that later. Let me just say you may see a few changes around here as I begin to experiment with some things (for example, the new look...what do you think?) It's not exactly there yet, but it's a step in the right direction.

As I gazed into 2012, I came to a stark realization: It is approximately 40 weeks until I reach a milestone birthday. (I will leave it to your keen deductive skills to infer what birthday that might be. Hint: read the title of this post carefully.) So, I've decided for the next 40 (or so) weeks, I will take a moment to share a specific lesson learned, challenge conquered, adventure taken, or anything else that might help me say, "Take that [insert next decade here]! I'm not going down without a fight!"

So stay tuned, dear friends. It's going to be a great year!

Do you have any big plans for 2012?

Merry Christmas!

From our home to yours...

Wishing you a very Merry Christmas

Filled with wonder and excitement.

Praying you and yours are

Healthy and blessed

in the New Year.

Our Home for the Holidays

We are so excited to be in our new home this Christmas season. I was especially excited to decorate, although I quickly realized we have a lot more space to decorate! Time and budget ran out before I was able to do all I wanted, but we got a good start. I'm sure I will be adding to it for years to come. Here is a glimpse of our home for the holidays.

I'm so excited to have a mantle again!

I hope you are finding time in the midst of the chaos of the season to enjoy family and friends and reflect on the true meaning of the season.

For to us a child is born,
to us a son is given,
and the government will be

on his shoulders.
And he will be called
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

-Isaiah 9:6

A Week with the Cousins

A couple of weeks ago, we had the privilege of hosting my niece and nephew for the week. I say privilege, because they live 18 hours away and we don't get to see them too often. Since we won't all be together for Christmas this year, my parents drove two of the cousins, Isaac and Katelyn, 11 hours to spend some quality time with us. It's been more than a week since they left to go home, and my kids are still missing them. I think everyone had a great time!

Here are some highlights from the quality cousin time:

We love our cousins!

The girls

The boys

Little Miss working on a special project Nanee and Papa brought

Miss Katelyn working in her own creative style

Little Man goofing off...what else is new?

The boys proud of their hard work

We even managed to surprise great-grandma "G"

with a birthday party.

Happy Birthday, G!

Fun at a toy museum

Where better to visit Santa than Bass Pro Shops?

We're looking forward to doing it again sometime. Maybe we'll even make it an annual tradition!

Thoughts on Thanksgiving

Image by DK Design Studio

I have thought a lot about thanksgiving lately...not just the holiday, but the attitude of giving thanks. Yes, I realize that is the culturally-accepted thing to do this time of year. But, honestly, it has gone beyond that for me. It all began with a study on God's grace at our church. Now there's something that will get you in the spirit of thanks!

Then I started reading a book that was recommended to me. I soon discovered the author's passion for having an attitude of thanksgiving in all of our circumstances--triumph, tragedy, and all that falls in between. It is a challenging read, so I'm taking my time going through the book. However, it is a challenge I desperately need and I'm looking forward to posting about it once I'm done.

I also decided to participate in "a month of thanksgiving" on Facebook. For those who are not a part of this social media phenomenon (all three of you), this is an informal opportunity for users to post things we are thankful for. Honestly, I've never participated because I always felt it would be more lip service than a heartfelt gratitude (at least it would have been for me). But in light of all I've been pondering the last few weeks, I felt it would be a good way to daily keep me attitude in check. (I must admit, I've failed a time or two...still working on being thankful in all circumstances, like dealing with a 4-year-old's tantrums! It's a process, right?)

In addition to turkey, pumpkin pie, and thoughts of Thanksgiving, this month also reminds me of some pretty incredible reasons within my own family to give thanks. It was only a year ago that I was recovering from surgery and undergoing radiation therapy and physical therapy. And this year I was able to run two 5Ks. It was during that time last year that my baby sister was blessed with an Extreme Makeover: Home Edition from ABC. And of course, we are ever grateful for our miracle boy (and Savannah-born celebrity) Zoe!

Most of all, I'm thankful to have Someone to give thanks to. My gratitude is more than a warm and fuzzy feeling that I toss out into the universe or a passing emotion that I lavish on a friend or relative. After thirty-"ahem" years, I feel like I finally get it...."Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights" (James 1:17). Everything I have to be thankful for--from my miracle nephew to my healthy family to my morning cup of coffee--all of it is a result of the goodness of God lavished on us. Why? Simply because He is good and He loves to do good for us.  

So as you prepare your turkey and bake those pies, take a moment to truly reflect on what it is to be thankful. And to help you get started, here's a special Thanksgiving greeting from the Miracle Boy himself.. Zoe Simpson! (Spoiler alert: he's pretty stinkin' cute!)

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; 

his love endures forever

-Psalm 107:1