A Rough Start

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This morning when I dropped my Little Man off at preschool a rare thing happened. Instead of his usual good-bye kiss and smile, he clung to me and wailed, "I don't want to go, Mommy! I don't want to go!"

I resisted every urge to hold him tightly and cry, "You don't have to! You don't have to!" If he had been my first child or this was his first day of preschool, chances are that's what would have gone down. But he has come to school many, many times before, always with a smile on his face, and he comes home later in the day excited about the things he has learned, the songs he's sung, and the friends he has played with. He has been coming to this, our church preschool, since he was two. I know the staff and the teachers...and so does he. He sees them at church every week. They are our friends, and  he loves them as much as I do.

So I called upon every Mommy superpower I could muster, kissed his head, hugged him tightly, assured him I'd be back at the end of the day and handed him off to his teacher. As I climbed back in the driver's seat, I watched him reaching for me screaming, "No, Mommy! Don't go!" Summoning the rest of my Supermommy powers, I drove away...around the corner, out of sight...and cried.

I'm not one of those parents who throws her kid into the pool to teach him to swim. My philosophy is, "let's dip our toe in first and see if we like it." If they like it, we'll ease into it. If not, we'll give it some time and try later. I'm not saying mine is the best way...it's just what works for us. So, to drive away from my screaming child went against every fiber of my being.

But the logical, mature side of me knew that I wouldn't be doing him any favors by going back for him...even if that logical part was being completely drowned out by the emotional Mommy side of me at the moment! He is in a loving environment with people who care deeply about him. He is there five hours a week because we believe it reinforces the values and truths we are teaching him at home while preparing him for full-time education. I had to be strong and look at the bigger picture.

That's when I realized how many times I had felt just like my Little Man. In the middle of whatever I was facing, I looked at God and screamed, "What are you doing?! How could you just leave me here?! I don't want to be here! Don't leave me!"

The truth is, He doesn't leave us. Ever. He has promised not to. Even when we feel alone. Even when we feel abandoned. He is right there...holding us, weeping with us, loving us through every moment. All the while, seeing the bigger picture. Seeing the other side. Knowing how we will come through it stronger, more mature, and more dependent on Him.

Even though I physically left my Little Man today, you better believe I called and texted his teachers until I was convinced he had calmed down and returned to his happy, easy-going self (which he did within 30 minutes). You see, for a mom "out of sight, out of mind" is a foreign concept when it comes to her children. If I...an imperfect, human parent...am that consumed with my child--his safety, his well-being, his happiness--how much more our perfect Heavenly Father!

 The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed,
a stronghold in times of trouble. 

Those who know your name trust in you,
for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.

Psalm 9:9,10

 

What are you going through today that makes you feel alone? God has not forgotten you. He has not abandoned you. He is with you. Hold tightly to Him.