40-B4-40: Letting Go

Dedicated to my fellow first-born, over-achieving, Type-A peeps.

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Ten years ago I would have been hesitant to admit I'm a Type-A person. (We're always the last to find out, right?) In most of my adult life (and childhood for that matter), I was fairly easy-going. I was often happy to go along with whatever restaurant or activity my friends chose, content to just hang out with them. I really had little need to "be in charge."

So it was with great disappointment that I finally admitted to my husband and friends (who already knew) that yes, I am a control freak. You see, it's not really that I have to control everything. If I'm participating in or helping with someone else's "thing," I have no problem going along with it. If you're in charge, we can do it your way.

However, it was in the things that I did have control over that my inner control freak began to rear her ugly head. My house--since I'm here most of the time, it shouldn't be too difficult to keep it relatively spotless at all times. And meals...how hard is it to have tasty, nutritious meals on the table for my family every evening. Children...it's not too much to ask that they be well-dressed, well-fed, well-behaved, and content most of the time. I'm not unreasonable. I realize they are children and will have their moments, but I'd say hitting the mark 90% of the time isn't too much to ask (for my children anyway.) Yeah, right!

As for my personal life....well, there's no reason I shouldn't be able to workout daily, have a quality devotional time, and find time to write on a regular basis, right? I mean, it's really just a matter of scheduling and prioritizing. I just need to make the right lists (I do love my lists!) and find the most efficient way of doing them. It's totally doable. And since it's doable, I should be able to do it. Sound about right?

Fortunately, God has a sense of humor and paired me up with someone who could make me step back, take a breath, and realize that if we have cereal for dinner and the kids are running around like monkeys, it's OK. That's just where our lives are right now. Sure it would be nice to have a quiet, peaceful, spotless home in which to unwind each evening. But the sight of toys strewn across the floor and the sound of giggles and pounding feet as our children chase one another through the obstacle course that is our home remind me that my to-do list isn't the most demanding issue right now. So my first step on my journey to mature, well-adjusted, middle-agehood is to LET IT GO. (Aren't you proud of me for not making a list of things to let go of? :))

Over the holidays, I hosted family gatherings while my kitchen floor remained un-mopped (horror of all horrors!) We ate some late dinners (and consequently had late bedtimes) so that I could spend time enjoying my family instead of rushing through our evening. The kids' teachers received cookies "creatively" decorated with love instead of magazine-photo-perfect gingerbread men. This week, I sat and drank coffee with a friend while our boys played in our basement which looked like an episode of Toys R Us Gone Wild. (It's a wonder we didn't lose of them down there.)

But guess what? No one mocked my sticky kitchen floor, the teachers loved their cookies, and my friend and I had a wonderful chat while the boys relished in the toy rubble. Maybe, just maybe, if I can push past my initial, hand-wringing moment of worry when the door opens to my less-than-immaculate home and can focus on the person and the moment at hand, everyone will have a better time...mostly me.

Now, if you'll excuse me we are having guests this weekend and I need to go scrub my bathrooms. (Baby steps, right?)