This is it. The day I've waited for since we came home from the hospital with a tiny, pink bundle more than 5 years ago. I remember in those first few extremely-difficult days of parenthood holding my tiny pink bundle (who never seemed to stop screaming) and thinking, "I'm not sure I can do this all day every day for the next 5 years!"
I was very excited to be a mom and so blessed to have a beautiful daughter. But I had been in the workforce for ten years. I had grown accustomed to accomplishing things each day. I had come to enjoy my independence and relished having time to do things for myself...like take shower and brush my teeth. In those early days my bleary, sleep-deprived eyes couldn't see past the endless diapers, feedings, and laundry. I felt helpless, overwhelmed, and wondered if I'd make it until Hubby came home from work that day...let alone to the day she goes to school. That day seemed forever away.
The years sped by, and "that day" arrived all too quickly...today. I woke my pink-bundle-turned-princess up early, put pig-tails in her hair, made her favorite breakfast (pancakes), loaded her up with backpack and lunch box, drove her a few blocks away, and left her in the care of a complete stranger for the next seven hours. As I walked away from her classroom this morning I didn't feel relieved. I felt sad.
I have no regrets. I obviously wouldn't trade the time at home with her for anything in the world. Looking back I feel that I made the most of every moment...play dates, trips to the park, the zoo, and other fun places, cooking lessons, tea parties playing dress-up...I did it all. There were times when I probably could have left the laundry unfolded for another game of Chutes 'n' Ladders. But for the most part, I gave it my all.
I know my job as a parent is nowhere near an end. I have many more years of fun and influence to enjoy. And I still have another one at home with whom to enjoy every moment. But I will no longer have my baby to myself all day every day. She'll be under the influence of another person for the majority of her day. We will have our summers...but even then my time with her will become more and more secondary to time with friends.
I'm a little sad today. But I'm also very proud ...proud of my Little Miss who walked right into her class, hung up her backpack, found her seat, and gave me an "I'm OK, Mom, you can go now" look. I'm also thankful...thankful for a great school with faculty and staff who truly care about children, thankful for a teacher who is kind and comforting, and thankful for faith in a God who I know is with my daughter even when I am not.
Now, if you'll excuse me I have to grab some Kleenex, fix my makeup, and go pick up my baby from school.
2 comments:
Awww, Nancy! It had to be a hard day. I remember those days when you could barely squeeze a shower in. I felt so bad for you. You've come along way, baby -- with your little princess beside you. Love and miss you. Didn't know about your blog :) Glad I do now.
Aw, Nanc...thanks for making me cry as my little bundle sleeps soundly in her bed!
That was very well-written. I hope I can say the same thing in 5 years. You should be proud to be such a great Mommy. And you have lots to look forward to - being her Mommy and also her friend.
Post a Comment