40-B4-40: Dead End or New Beginning?

 

**40-B4-40 is my 8-month journey in bidding adieu to my youth and embracing

the next chapter (a.k.a. decade). Thanks for joining me!**

 

 

photo credit

 

You know that scene in the movie When Harry Met Sally (don't judge me, it was the 80s, alright?) when Sally has just broken up with her long term boyfriend and Harry comes to console her? The one where she lists all the things that are wrong in her life through sobs and sniffles then ends with, "And I'm going to be 40!"

 

And Harry says, "When?"

 

And Sally says, "Someday! But it's just hanging out there like a big dead end!"

 

That scene was hilarious when I was 17...and 25...and even funnier when I was 35. But now that I'm 2 days from the big event, it's not so funny.

 

Yes, I know it's just a number.

 

Yes, I know you're only as old as you feel.

 

Yes, I know "40 is the new 30" (whatever that really means)

 

Yes, I know "40 is fabulous" (it is...on everyone else, but that doesn't mean it will be on me, does it?)

 

And yes, I've had several friends who have already "crossed over" and have done so with grace, dignity, and even enthusiasm. They've not only lived to tell about it, they've embraced it beautifully and have thrived in doing so.

 

I really didn't expect to feel this way about turning 40. I had no problem with 30 or 35, and I truly thought 40 would be the same. I started this year ready to meet 40 with my head held high. Alas, it isn't really working out that way.

 

Oh, it's not terrible. I'm not in depression or anything. I won't wear all black on Sunday in protest. I'm just having a difficult time because things aren't quite working out as I had planned (remember my perfectionism?): I had wanted to be a certain weight. I had wanted to have my career at a certain point. I had wanted to my health to be at a certain place...all by the time I was 40.

 

Yes, I can still do all of those things when I'm 40, or 41, or 45, or 50...you get the idea.

 

No, 40 is not a dead end.

 

In many ways, I see it as a new beginning: a new chapter of my life, a fresh, new decade to achieve new goals and try new things.

 

That's why on Sunday, I will post a retrospective of my many blessings at 40.

 

But today is not Sunday; today is Friday, and right now, I need to find some chocolate.